As a new believer you are now ready to embark on a journey of CHANGE !!! One thing you must remember is that God loves you just the way you are-but He is working by His Spirit to change you into the likeness of His glorious Son, Y’shua (Jesus). I am giving you a brief description of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder not to offend or point fingers but to let you know that there are personality disorders which are strongholds and therefore must be addressed. There are other personality disorders, but this one is one of the most difficult to get deliverance from.
There are multiple types of personality disorders and degrees of disorders, but what we are trying to warn you about with our teaching on the narcissistic personality disorder is that if you are faced with a relative, spouse, child, or even if you see some of this in yourself: we have laid this teaching out in such a way that you would be able to have some understanding of it. We also ask that you read the next teachings on the Individual Gifts: Individual Gifts: Keys 4 Spiritual Fruit, and the Gifts Examined pages.
The reason we have chosen the narcissistic personality disorder to explain is because we believe
that this disorder is the root to many other disorders, such as; the sociopathic disorder and mild cases of schizophrenia, and has parts of many other disorders which manifest in the fallen human nature of people.
If you do find yourself in a marital situation with a narcissist, seriously pray if God would have you stay or if you are to pray for them outside from outside the marriage, as in divorce. God does ask some to stay and literally cover the other for salvation sake. But it is a call and not necessarily a requirement because even though we do agree that God hates divorce, if He did not put two people together and it was designed by the enemy to keep a person from their destiny, then God himself will set out to separate them. (This can only be discovered through prayer and coupled even with fasting.)
The addictive personality has traits of the narcissistic personality disorder but the person may not be a full blown narcissist. Please review this and if you see yourself in any part of this personality type, go to the LORD with it and lay hands on yourself. You renounce any co-operation with the spirits associated with this and command them all to go from you. Then, ask the Holy Spirit, (Ruach HaKodesh) to come into you and take over your soul, make Him your LORD over your life. I believe you will see victory!
Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder
There are symptoms common to all personality disorders, they are: abnormal, long-standing, inflexible, and pervasive behaviors in the way a person perceives himself, others, and life in general. If a person always responds emotionally from a pained view of life, this can be assigned that there’s a personality disorder. When they function interpersonally in all aspects of interaction –always bringing things back to themselves there is a personality disorder at work. Also people who react impulsively from that victim or pain sensitivity trait and react impulsively. These are all common symptoms of any personality disorder.
Now the symptom criteria for narcissistic personality disorder can be noticed in early adulthood. And these are not necessarily in order that I’m giving them to you, but all of them are included as criteria symptoms.
- The first is overestimates their own importance whether that be in fantasy or acting out in behaviors. Now we can go into great depths regarding these symptom criteria but for now I’m just going to simply list them and then we will be delving into it as we go through this process of explanation.
- Secondly, a person has a constant need for praise and to an abnormal degree. Now remember these are noticed in early adulthood.
- Third, if a person cannot understand or be sensitive to the feelings of those in their inner circle of love, cannot care about the thoughts or experiences or feelings even after it has all been fully explained to them – they are lacking empathy. The lack of empathy is a huge issue and is one of the main personality facets in the narcissistic personality disorder description.
Psychologists, even Christian psychologists, are trained to look for two or more of the following symptoms, (after finding all three of the above symptoms) that will illustrate back to the first three that I’ve stated above, to make a clinical diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder.
These are persons:
- who exaggerates their abilities and wants to seem as superior
- has fantasies of being superior in some way
- aligns him or herself with important people and name drops often
- who uses others because he/she expects automatically to be given whatever he or she wants to regardless of the cost it has two others
- who exploits others
- who envies others or things they and the him or her
- who behaves arrogantly or selfishly and who has selfish ambition
So in this scenario that I have just laid out as the symptom criteria for narcissistic personality disorder, if you see numbers one through three and two or more from numbers four through 10 in a person’s behavior and that behavior is inflexible and pervasive, not normal and consistent– in other words you can count on them to behave in these ways that hurt you and others and they cannot understand why their behavior is a problem –then you probably are dealing with the narcissistic personality disorder. So, I will just tell you; more than likely boundaries will not work, neither will all of these self-help things that you’re trying for yourself. They will not work, because the problem is with that person that you’re dealing with…and not you.
I will give you some resources at the end of this lesson to assist you in coping and /or finding solutions.
What are the theoretical causes of narcissistic personality disorder? A personality that doesn’t develop due to the influence of having a parent that was too self-absorbed or too indulgent or the mother/child bond was reduced somehow; through sickness, separation, mother was not being cared for so mothers could not fully care for the child issue, etc. we know that one specific cause of narcissistic personality disorder is when a mother child bond is adversely affected or becomes disjointed.
We do know that it is often found and begins to show up in late childhood and/or early adulthood. Narcissistic personalities generally only have surface friendships or acquaintances and close relationships are usually only family. This is important in understanding why a narcissistic personality will be
attracted to a specific type of person. The type of person that a narcissist is attracted to is one with many friends who is willing and able to be a friend to them and has a circle of strong friendships and relationships. This is all needed because the narcissist is a loner. They also look for mates that have a giving heart and ones who have had narcissistic parents. They somehow also seem to find a mate who enjoys taking care of others, so nurses and caregivers are specifically targeted. Also targeted; mother types and women with the “Wendy” personality. Additionally, if a narcissist sees a person who has narcissistic parents they will be attracted to them as mates.
When you are dealing with the narcissistic personality disorder you are dealing with persecution. We know and believe that parents love their children and do the very best they can for their children. We believe that if they could do better as parents–mostly everyone would if they could. It is just that the personality and training in the nurturing skills of parenting come through the family line and sometimes parents do not use nurturing or have the ability to give it to their children.
However while we honor our parents for giving us life it is our duty to deal with the results in ourselves from these “not good enough parenting skills”, so that we and our future generations can be healthier. Herein lies the purpose of this study: recognizing our lack because of our background and by giving it to the Lord and dealing with our issues from dysfunction finding answers and healing. Please do not go around and try to figure out if this person or that person is a narcissist. . .we are all on a journey and are changed from Glory to Glory. The clinically diagnosed narcissist is what we are dealing with in this study.
Can a person suffering from narcissistic personality disorder become saved and filled with the Holy Spirit? We believe the answer is yes. We know that a person is made up of a spirit which lives in a body and has a soul. We are born again in our spirit as a newborn Christian. The person plans to grow up spiritually but like the parable of the mustard seed in Matthew 13 verse 31 until it fills to overflowing in our spirit it cannot overflow into our souls. This overflowing into our soul will change our attitudes and behaviors and emotions.
If a person does not allow themselves to be changed by the power of the Holy Spirit no one else can force it. No one can make these things happen –their mind, their will and their emotions can only be changed by the power of God. This is the fruit of the Spirit that the Lord is talking about in Galatians. If a person becomes born again but their behavior is still narcissistic, even if they soften somewhat from the Holy Spirit’s presence, they have never been delivered of the narcissistic spirit. They can go into a praise mode to be seen of men and women but not truly to praise God. They are going to church to GET praise, be seen of men and women and NOT to praise God. These folks determine to stay in their demonic behaviors and ignore the convictions of the Holy Spirit which is the Ruach HaKodesh.
It’s important to understand that God loves the person with the narcissistic personality disorder and is trying by every means possible to get them to recognize their issues and deal with them through his Spirit, through his love, through his power. Whatever the narcissistic person gives to the Lord the Lord will take it, count it unto holiness and use it to bless the person— even as he does to those who have empathy. YaHoVaH knows and understands the pain of the person with the narcissistic personality disorder. HE DOESN’T WANT ANYONE TO PERISH!
Narcissism as an Overview for Clarity
If we put narcissism on a continuum—a straight line from left to right, making the left the normal area of human functioning, what we would see is this: all of us are selfish at times. This is the area of the flesh that has no good thing in it, what we wrestle against all the time, BUT IS STILL NORMAL BEHAVIOR.
Now, when we pass through the boundary of the normal behavior area, we cross the line into the abnormal area of functioning. Here, behavior is clearly outside the norm. To me, at the end of the continuum on the right is the psychopath who is so selfish and arrogant that he thinks he has a right to hurt you because you are in his way.
A narcissist who is just outside the normal behavior boundary line still meet the criteria of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but are softer.
Those who have had two NPD parents, or severe rejection and abuse from one NPD parent, are much harder as a personality, and they are further away from the normal end of human functioning. Still, being warmly received by one parent, neighbor, or an extended family member may soften NPD somewhat, as does a commitment to Jesus, especially in older age. They remain NPD, though they are softer, and they still hurt those who love them all the time.